I’m someone who definitely expresses herself better in writing. It’s one of the main reasons why I decided to blog again. Another reason is so I can document and file thoughts & moments that are worth remembering for me. There is one particular moment that stands out in my mind, and it’s become a ‘theme’, if you will, in my life for quite awhile:
It was a Tuesday night early last year during a church small group and we were asked to share if there was something in particular that God is asking us to be/do. With no doubt or hesitation, I knew instantly what God was calling me to be: He wants me to be brave… and that scared me so much.
When you’re called to be brave, it essentially means that it’s because you’ll be faced with something that is terrifying or displeasing to you. And in my case, I had no idea what was coming that would make God tell me to be brave!
Having already gone through them (while still currently in some of them), I plan to share those experiences in future posts, in hopes that I can also somehow encourage those who may end up reading them and remind them that they are not alone. But before I can do that, I need to work on something first, or else the contents of this blog would not be authentic at all. God revealed to me that I have to first learn to be brave regarding how I share my daily life experiences with others – or rather, how I actually do not do that.
It takes awhile for me to get to a place where I feel like I can comfortably share with those whom I don’t know very well. But if I have to be brutally honest, I admit I’ve also closed myself off from those who do know me on a deeper level. I can be talkative but mostly on surface-level matters. I can share but only to an extent; and I filter out certain aspects and feelings I have – partly because I don’t want to be judged and partly because I don’t think others care about what I have to say. So what ends up happening is that people only see/know me through a very filtered lens. And when I do that, I know I’m not living my life the way God wants me to live: God desires for me to have a community of people to live life with; and creating & maintaining that community takes genuine effort, vulnerability, and love towards others.
I want to be able to share more freely, more honestly, and more openly. This doesn’t mean that I will be sharing every single detail that’s happening in my life or every single feeling I have (Can you imagine how crazy life would be if that were the case?! Life would be much noisier!). But I do think I need to be more intentional in placing myself at a posture of vulnerability when interacting with others, even if that may mean being judged or hurt by what others have to say or how they’ll end up viewing me. And that’s where bravery has to come in for me.
And so starting this blog is my concrete action step towards being braver and really letting others in my life. It’s a way of letting the walls come down and removing the filtered lens I’ve created – the lens that highlighted only areas I want people to see and blurred out the not-so-wholesome parts.
Hopefully by learning to be more vulnerable through this blog I can also foster a true community of friends, both on- and off-line. (And since we’re talking about honesty, blogging would give me something else to do besides taking care of our baby boy, whom you’ll hear about being mentioned in this blog, no doubt!)
I hope you can join alongside me in this endeavor as I begin this blog and reveal parts of myself. If you personally know me, I give you permission to reach out to me regarding any thoughts/questions you have about anything I’ll be writing here! And if we don’t know each other yet, don’t hesitate to spark up a conversation with me by leaving a comment/message!
How about you? Is there an area in your life where you feel you’re being called to be brave and take action? What concrete action step can you take today?